Discipline

Connor is a cause-and-effect type of kid.

If I tell him, "Come here and put your shoes on," he may or may not listen. In fact, more often than not, he doesn't. But, if I say, "Come here and put your shoes on or we won't be able to go to park," he'll obey right away.

On the plus side, I can usually make him listen to me and do what I want him to do.

On the other hand, sometimes I feel like I am always threatening the kid.

"If you throw that ball in the house, I'm going to take it away."

"If you bang on the piano bench with that drumstick, I'm going to take it away."

"If you sit on baby Lex, you'll have to come sit by me on the couch instead."

You get the picture. If. Then. If. Then.

He just likes to know why he has to follow directions, I guess.


So I was not surprised when he started doing it to me. But I was a little surprised by the threats.

Connor said to me, "If you don't give me two high fives, then when we go to the store, I'm going to smack your bottom."

and

"If you don't make me chicken nuggets right now, then when we get upstairs, I'm going to smack your bottom."

First, we never do If. Then. When. statements. It's always only If. Then.

More importantly, we've never spanked him before.

So, I decided to find out where he got the idea from.

Here's our conversation, to the best of my remembrance:


"Connor, has Mommy ever smacked your bottom before?" I ask. (Just to make sure we were all on the same page about what smacking his bottom means.)

"No," Connor says.

"Has Daddy ever smacked your bottom before?" I asked next.

"No," Connor says.

"Has anyone ever smacked your bottom before?" I ask, hoping he says no.

"No," Connor says.

"Who got their bottom smacked?"

"Zoey," Connor says.

"When did that happen?" I asked.

"At my birthday party, Zoey got her bottom smacked because she went into the front yard."


I'm not retelling this story to get Zoey into trouble. I don't even know for sure that it really happened this way. But I think it's interesting that Connor has adopted a form of discipline that he has seen only once. Wouldn't it be more natural to model the behavior that he experiences all the time?


***POST EDIT***

I don't see anything wrong with spanking, and I would spank Connor if he ever committed a spank-able offense. He's just never done anything to warrant a spanking yet. But he's only three.

I didn't see anything mean spirited or hurtful about posting this story as it was written because I am not judging anyone for spanking their children. It's a valid form of parenting and discipline. I was spanked as a child, and I would spank Connor for certain behavior.

I believe that each child's discipline needs are different, and they change as the child develops. Connor isn't in a spanking stage yet. He's still very compliant with the If. Then. instructional technique. That may change. Lex may be different.

I might be posting about how many times a day the boys get spanked before we are done with this whole thing. That's just not our normal routine right now.

Right now, our thing is me "threatening" Connor all day long with consequences, and him threatening me with "smacking my bottom." And I think it's funny when he says things like that to me, especially when you consider the "if" parts of his statements.

I'm sorry to have offended you. I apologize and swear I wasn't being judgmental at all.